26 March 2004


26 March 2004

I spent the evening with my husband, sorting though the stuff that we have accumulated over our 12 ½ year marriage.  I find sorting, organizing, and evicting things puts me in a meditative state.

As I look over each item, I remember how we came by it, and sometimes even, the plan we had for it.  I know some people who can’t bear to part with the smallest thing and others who manage to keep their possessions to such a minimum that they can fit in tiny one bedroom apartments.  I fall somewhere in between. 

We have a large house and it is full of the possessions that three adults and a child accumulate over 36 and 5 years respectively.  However, very little of it goes unused.  Our problem, if you could call it that, is that we have so many interests.  So we accumulate, and as we accumulate I go though boxes and send objects off to the landfill, or thrift store, or friends and family.

As I sort though boxes and consult with my family about what to keep and what to send forth into the world, I think about the past, where these objects were acquired and I think about the present, which we will go into without these objects, reminders, keepsakes, and projects.  I feel lighter when a box of some-things goes off to the thrift store, or a load of books find their way to new homes.

It also serves as a reminder that I should focus on living in the present.  I have memories of the past and expectations of the future but this moment is the time that I am alive and able to act on my hopes and dreams. 

Tomorrow the pile of odds and ends will go to the donation truck or the dump– it will lose its association with me and my life and live only in my memory.  It will make room for different projects and allow new skills and ideas to enter my life.  For, as there is only so much room in my house, there is only so much time in my life and I must decide now, at this present moment, how I will live, and not bind myself too tightly to either past or future.

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